Push-up bras, eye-liner, girdles, control-top pantyhose, heels, eyebrow-pencil, lipstick, blush, concealer, foundation, eye-shadow, nail-varnish, gel, false-eyelashes and false-nails.
When polled about what they most look for in a partner, most people say “honesty.”
Male or female, we’ve been misrepresenting ourselves for years. That guy you met at that bar. Is he really a single advertising executive earning a hundred-thousand dollars per month? What are the odds? When an old acquaintance asks about your job, have you ever inflated your salary or importance?
How many of us are completely straight with others about ourselves, and our situations when we’re offline?
Not very many of us are. Innumerable movies, television shows and books revolve around that fact.
Shakespeare’s Bassanio wanted to borrow money from his friend, Antonio, in order to woo the wealthy Portia. His belief was that unless he lied to her about his financial status, she could not be persuaded to marry him.
Later, Portia and her maid disguise themselves as men, and after saving the life of Antonio contrive to force Bassanio to break his vow to Portia over the matter of a promissory ring. [The Merchant of Venice]
There’s certainly nothing new about deceptions of nature, identity, situation and even gender.
When it comes to being online, though, suddenly people are aghast at the notion that people might not be completely and utterly honest and complete about these things when they’re online.
Well, pardon my ingenuousness, but when have they ever been? Why do you think that they would suddenly start, and when did it it suddenly become important to you?
Surely you’re not one of those folks who thinks that a hearty handshake and a firm gaze will tell you everything about the honesty of the person on the other end.
It is interesting, I think, that virtual environments and online networking throw the nature of Man into sharp relief, and yet somehow we think that it somehow temporarily changes our nature.
John Gabriel’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory (pardon my Klatchian), is wrong only in one respect – that it suggests that anonymity is a requirement; whereas, if you’ve watched ordinary people with any care, you’ll know that it isn’t really a necessary component for someone to go from the left-hand-side of the equation to the right.
Are we waking up at last and discovering who we really are as a culture and as a species? Or are we just plain failing to notice it when it presents itself – too interested in the trees to see the forest?
Scary true.
I think it also has to do with how we *don’t* want to know truthful facts about others as well.
For example (I expect to get flamed for this of course): The gay community is “opening-up” by “coming out of the closet” = trying to be up-front and honest about who they are.
Fair enough. I have no problem with them at all. However, what goes on in your bedroom should *stay* in your bedroom. I have quite a few friends who are homosexual and they get away with absolute murder.
Case in point in an actual real life example: I’m standing outside my office smoking a cigarette. My gay coworker comes walking into the building as as he passes me, cracks a joke: “Packing a butt?” (laughs). I chuckle and smile politely.
Yes, I agree it was funny. I really thought so – but we have an understanding: he’s homosexual and I am not. However, think of the meteor showers and earthquakes and end-of-the-world as we know it if the tables were turned:
If he, being homosexual were the one smoking a cigarette and I, not being homosexual made the same jovial crack at him?
In such cases, even though I personally have no problem with them (and they make the best people to get to know, actually) – I’d just as soon not have it “hanging in the wind” so to speak.
There are some thing where discreetness works best. As for the examples you describe – well I supposed it has to do with one’s expectations and designs. Too many in online chat-rooms and virtual worlds and social-site are looking for a more intimate real world relationship, when they should be looking a little closer to their actual geographical location, perhaps?
Swindlers and deceivers have been around since the beginning of time. It really just comes down to the level of deceit I suspect.
@Ari: isn’t that type of joke covered in sex harassment seminars? (or did I completly misinterpret the joke?)
In general I prefer to be as honest as I can, that often isn’t the way other people would rather I acted, I’ve been having to learn to dose my honesty all my life :/
I heard this story from a trusted source: A thirty-something recently divorced woman bumped into an old flame on Facebook. One thing lead to another and they ended up spending some erotic phone time together. Many weeks later, they meet for coffee. Turns out, the Facebook profile pic failed to keep up-to-date with the guy’s 150+ pound weight gain and multiple tooth loss (with no false teeth as replacements.)
Oh. And on the more fictional side, even demons have to fudge a little bit:
http://iphoneviz.tumblr.com/post/218553127/perils-of-demon-internet-dating-demon-created-by